Maybe i’m grieving… I don’t know. But me and Church at the moment is a wierd thing. Came home from it yesterday and felt totally depressed. Moped around for the rest of the day as a result. Am wavering between being committed to the cause and wanting to chuck it all in.
I’ve got lots of questions…
Is this about being the ‘comfortable’ church?
Is God showing/ telling me something of what He sees/ feels?
If so, why, when I don’t have the energy or desire, or even the ability (?) to do something about it? Ability is the wrong word… can’t find the one I want.
Would changing churches actually solve things?
Am I brave enough to leave? (I’ve spent so long being the ‘good’ girl…)
Am I making more of this than it really is?
Is the little child in me upset because she’s not getting her own way?
What’s the point? Who’s going to answer these questions and would knowing the answer actually help me? I’m sad.