Gone

It’s a week now since we both made the decision to part ways. It’s like death- I haven’t seen her since school drop off Tuesday last week. All her possessions have been boxed up and dropped off so they can be taken to her new accommodation. All of a sudden she is gone.

And while I couldn’t continue to care for her, there’s still part of me that feels like I failed her.

Grieving from such close quarters is new to me. I’m learning.

Memories everywhere, both good and bad. I’m stuck between wanting to clean everything up and not being able to bring myself to do it. Lots to do yet no drive to do it. Maybe I’m just being lazy.

See I’d planned on forever- when 18 came she would not be pushed out the door but always welcome to stay as long as she wanted. I’d thought about putting money aside so she could buy a car. I’d thought about teaching her to drive and let her know that university could be an option if that was what she wanted. I hadn’t reckoned on things ending.

I move between relief, sadness, tiredness, anger and emptiness. She’s gone and I’m left behind.

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