It’s hard not to take things personally- I have given all of me to love, support and provide her with a home. Yet, I am, and will never be enough. There is nothing I can do.
I’m ready to walk away. I didn’t want to be another person giving up on her, but it turns out I just don’t have the emotional energy to do it anymore. It hurts too much. I’m always waiting for the next crisis or incident. I speak calmly. I give her space to calm down. I give her space to tell her story. I put aside all that I need to be doing at that moment, give her all my attention, support her, love her…
One moment she can be yelling at me to go away, be rude or refuse to do what is asked if her. The next, she’s talking to me as if nothing has happened- that it’s ok to treat me horribly because I am just the carer.
I thought I could do this. Problem is- I don’t know what bit is trauma and what but is teenager.
I’m growing smaller. The pain is getting bigger. And she just walks away.
She doesn’t want me… no one does actually.