This week I have come to the conclusion that if I need to be on antidepressants longterm, or for the rest of my life, well then that is what it will have to be. I have wanted so much to come off them- they don’t seem to affect me hugely, as I’m on a very low dose- but they seem to do enough. But I still have off days/weeks. This week I had a couple of bad days, one worse because I pulled myself into a darker place with my thoughts. I knew that my thinking had and still does affect my depression, but I had forgotten just how deep I could be pulled under with unhelpful thoughts. I don’t like having days like that. I guess deep down I don’t like thinking like that, but it seems that it is still a habit underneath it all.
I would love to say that I’m ‘cured’ and that my journey with depression is over, but it seems not quite yet. I need to do some work on my thinking. Just not sure how to do it yet.