Have decided to not get bogged down into ‘depression’ mode. I don’t have the right words to really describe what is going on so I’m not going to try.
Have follwed up on my decision re church (see Made a Decision). I took myself off the music roster for 3 months and took myself off the ‘Kids Spot’ roster altogether. Still on cleaning but that’s ok for now. I visited Northside Christian Life Centre (? not sure if correct name) over the last 2 weeks- one morning and one evening service. Haven’t been there for about 10 years so was good to see how it was going. Might appear to be a huge leap going from an Anglican church to an AOG, but it’s not that large a leap for me. Doesn’t feel like ‘home’, but I’m comfortable enough to go by myself (even with all my baggage and protective walls!). I’m working on it.
School goes back next week- where has January gone? Am happy to go back to my CPS work if I can make some changes, which I can do as I have a lot of choice about what I do at the school. Is going to be weird though- can I be a support to the children and their families while struggling myself? Not sure yet, but we’ll see.