Saying goodbye

Change is hard for me- I resist it.  Feeling exhausted somehow has always seemed better… better than saying no… better than showing that I’m not in control.  This is not the first time I have blogged about change this year- see death, weddings, last update, context and change, etc..  Now ‘depression’ has crashed into my life and change is all I can see.  I let people down.  I’m tired.  I can’t do all the things I have been doing.  Life is a struggle (still… and always will be I know, but even more so).

Had my last music practice for the year last night- all Christmas carols.  Felt very nostaligic all of a sudden.  Two, maybe three services to go and then… who knows.  Have a growing feeling of ‘what am I going to do?’ but I’ll deal with it later.

Read David’s blog today- he’s saying goodbye to Mustard: a lovely 3-legged cat who had lots of character and fight.  Funny jump, but made me realise  I’m going to have to say goodbye to a few things in my crazy life.  Gonna have to step out in faith and see what happens.

It’s still hard to ‘own’ the depression.  Don’t like the label.  A process I guess.

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