the walk

If you’ve been reading my blog since I began you will probably have noticed that change is a theme I have mused, chatted, dribbled… on.  In retrospect this blog has become a record of my walk with , in and through depression.  I can now say that I am on the other side… I still have struggles and bad days every now and then, but I have come through- and I thank and praise God for that.  And guess what?  I’ve changed.  Mind you I’d be really worried if I hadn’t!  I’ve found out stuff about myself, I’ve gotten rid of stuff I didn’t need hanging around, and I’ve had to acknowledge stuff that I didn’t/ don’t like about me that is part of me.

The best thing about the whole process is that I have come from a place where I wanted to change but didn’t know how, to a place where I can embrace and step into change, into different things, make choices where I didn’t feel like I had any.  Change is good.  Change is painful.  Do I wish that I didn’t have to go through the last 2 years?  You bet, but today when I’m feeling really good and I can see what God has done in and through me I am glad that I did.

Today I had a job review- I have them every two years for my Christian Pastoral Support Worker job.  It’s a process of looking at what has happened over the last 2 years, what worked, what didn’t and then looking forward to the next two years.  In my report 2 years ago I wrote that I was glad that my hours had been reduced.  I wasn’t coping and it was this job that was suffering because of my busyness and being overwhelmed.  In some way I can’t believe that I even wrote it!  The job that I loved the most and which gave me the most satisfaction, joy and challenge- I was walking away from it.  Today I work 18 hours a week at this job and would love more hours, but I couldn’t do what i do today if I hadn’t taken this walk in and through depression.

And now I’m in the place where I am ready to make more changes- to step into the new, to say goodbye to more of the old.  It’s a mixture of exciting and scary.  To actively look for a new church home and walk away from a church that I have been involved in and given to for the last 23 years.  it’s scary… it’s sad… it’s painful… but I’m ready for the challenge and I’m ready for the change.

It’s time to be accountable for my words.

Tuesday, tuesday

having a tuesday… nothing new, nothing special, nothing bad. Feel like blogging yet have no burning thought running round my head. I walk into the house and I am in my own safe world, and minutes become hours in the blink of an eye. Had big intentions to work on the outline of a program for school… did a little bit of work and then started to think about other things I hadn’t got around to yet. Now I’m blogging.

my sister is house sitting at the moment… I don’t usually see her much generally so it’s not new for me to be alone. Am missing her company though- maybe it’s just that I haven’t had a chance to get all my 10000 words out today!!

We got some chickens on sunday- I call em ‘the girls’. Have been trying to think of some great names for them, a collection of 5 somethings that I could use. So far the black one is called ‘Blackie’ and the speckled one ‘Speckle’. Real original eh? I’ll have to get a photo for a show and tell. Is a bit windy tonight so I’ll have to go and check on them. Ah the joys of being ‘responsible’.

This blogging thing

Am starting to get frustrated!  I've started to read other people's blogs; get an inkling of an idea or the overall gist of the post- want to blog about it, but then can't connect the dots coherently.  I've now got 2 posts brewing but all I've managed to do is write some really wordy and useless dribble.  Am I trying too hard?  Probably.  Either that or not patient enough.

And I thought I could change the world- or at least my little patch of it.

A friend blogs!

There is a new blogger on the block. He's not only a friend but my brother too. Seems I still have some older sister persuasion techniques up my sleeve!

You can check out his blog at: http://discojoevx.wordpress.com/

Context and change

As a beginner blogger I appreciate all the comments and suggestions I can get re blogging. David pointed out that I need to put some of this stuff into context. I tried, but I'm going to have to work on it. Please be patient with me.

For more reading, the journey starts with Musings on Change.

Why a blog?

I don't know. Just something I had to do. Had to get past the 'what a great tool- how can I use this?' question.
Been reading 'Blob' and came across some great comments about blogging. David writes:

You see a blog is primarily something you HAVE not something you USE. In fact the outcomes from blogs GROW from interaction, they are not manufactured by forces – market or otherwise. Blogs are RELATIONAL not merely TRANSACTIONAL. And nobody in a relationship likes to be USED.

Because blogs grow things, that’s another reason why a blog is like a garden, grown in a field, called the Net.

You can read the whole article here