Tuesday, tuesday

having a tuesday… nothing new, nothing special, nothing bad. Feel like blogging yet have no burning thought running round my head. I walk into the house and I am in my own safe world, and minutes become hours in the blink of an eye. Had big intentions to work on the outline of a program for school… did a little bit of work and then started to think about other things I hadn’t got around to yet. Now I’m blogging.

my sister is house sitting at the moment… I don’t usually see her much generally so it’s not new for me to be alone. Am missing her company though- maybe it’s just that I haven’t had a chance to get all my 10000 words out today!!

We got some chickens on sunday- I call em ‘the girls’. Have been trying to think of some great names for them, a collection of 5 somethings that I could use. So far the black one is called ‘Blackie’ and the speckled one ‘Speckle’. Real original eh? I’ll have to get a photo for a show and tell. Is a bit windy tonight so I’ll have to go and check on them. Ah the joys of being ‘responsible’.

Another week and another lesson (or is it lessons?)

This week I have come to the conclusion that if I need to be on antidepressants longterm, or for the rest of my life, well then that is what it will have to be. I have wanted so much to come off them- they don’t seem to affect me hugely, as I’m on a very low dose- but they seem to do enough. But I still have off days/weeks. This week I had a couple of bad days, one worse because I pulled myself into a darker place with my thoughts. I knew that my thinking had and still does affect my depression, but I had forgotten just how deep I could be pulled under with unhelpful thoughts. I don’t like having days like that. I guess deep down I don’t like thinking like that, but it seems that it is still a habit underneath it all.

I would love to say that I’m ‘cured’ and that my journey with depression is over, but it seems not quite yet. I need to do some work on my thinking. Just not sure how to do it yet.